


you make me better

by actualflower



Series: character studies: mortality and bonds. [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for Ep 55, Spoilers for the Battle of Umbrasyl, grog is my son and everyone can fight me, he is so important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 00:57:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7077907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualflower/pseuds/actualflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>grog strongjaw is no stranger to death. it is his bread and butter; it's what he deals in, day in, day out - but there are other things that are important, too. like strength. and <i>family</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you make me better

look, grog’s a simple guy, alright? he won’t be the first to admit it, because goddamnit, there are _intelligent thoughts_ running around in his goliath barbarian brain, but he’s got a love of three things: women, ale, and hitting things. and also vox machina.

(he’s also not the best at counting.)

so when the big fuck-you sword decides to suck his soul literally out of his body, he doesn’t know exactly what to think. he’s no stranger to death - it is his bread and butter. it’s what he deals in, day in and day out - killing things to stop them from killing either A) him, or B) his family. (and somehow, over their years together, they have slowly become family in his mind. it doesn’t bother him. he just tucks close to pike at night and makes sure that when his watch comes, he’s sharpening his blade and keeping a keen eye on the horizon for all of them.)

but, the sword - it made him strong, stronger than he’d ever felt before - and then it took it all away again. just like that. he’d made the kind of deal you never win, and hadn’t even realized until after he’d already lost.

and, of course, pike had saved him. pike, his angel, his dragon-slayer. she was always pulling him out of scrapes, even after he’d done so much to hurt her -

grog stays close to pike that night, and tries to think about what all this might mean.

(they get rid of the sword. he’s not that unhappy about it, after all.)

then, they go to westruun, and everything’s gone to shit.

it’s his old herd - his old family, but not the kind you keep, the kind that he’s realized ends up killing you no matter how well you do. they’ll either kill you outright or sap you dry (just like that _fucking_ sword, he thinks, and it makes his teeth clench with rage). so he has no qualms about killing them. they’d do just the same to him.

they did, once. or tried. you don’t get to take grog strongjaw down that easy, you fucks.

he and his new family plan and plan and plan, but nothing goes right. and even with all the fuck-ups that do happen, they still come out on top. they always come out on top.

vex puts him in the little necklace, and pops him out again right on top of his shit-face uncle.

he relishes every moment that his own uncle’s sword bites into him, and feels _alive_ in a way he hasn’t since -

(since pike died, really. and he knows she came back, but he still - something about it all has never sat right with him, but now it’s better, if only a little bit. it’s still not okay, but it’s getting there, and that’s better than he’s ever done before with all this feelings shit. it’s another victory, one he doesn’t have to share with the rest of them.)

so they celebrate for the night, his new family and his old, and he feels right. it feels good. grog strongjaw, slayer of the thunderlord. he likes the ring of it. and what he likes even better is that he doesn’t have to go back, because zanror is still alive, which also means he can stay with vox machina. for a brilliant, bright moment, everything seems to align in his mind. the world seems to make sense.

and then the dragon makes itself known once again, and all that goes shattering to bits.

they fight and bicker, his new family and his old - he can see the sense in waiting and resting and gathering their strength, but he also knows this might be their only time to strike, and he knows that the herd won’t wait. they will strike while glory is still at hand, and they will wait for no man, not even the slayer of the thunderlord.

they get a day. grog’s surprised they got that much.

they plan, like they always do. and, for once, it all seems to be working - percy’s contraption didn’t work exactly as planned, but that’s alright because keyleth has a plan B, and the herd has got that damn thing locked _down_ -

but then it all goes to shit. he watches most of the herd die, and the spark of rage in him burns brighter than he’s ever felt before. maybe it’s the knuckles. maybe it’s the sword. maybe it’s the thought that he might lose both families he’s known in one fell swoop. but when he throws his sword into that black-scaled bastard, he doesn’t let go.

the fucking lizard gets away, but vox machina, his family, his real family, with pike and percy and keyleth and scanlan and vex and even that bastard vax, they aren’t far behind.

he’s exhausted. he’s already felt the burn of rage like nothing else in his body today. but he takes one look at that slimy lizard, and doesn’t even flinch as he cuts into that thing with all he’s got.

grog, for possibly the second time in his life, might die. but, he thinks, it’ll be worth it if the rest of them survive.

the bastard puts up a damn good fight, and he watches as one of his family goes down - feels that deep-down terror that he never lets himself feel spark and ignite in his veins, and _roars_. percy will not die today -

not if grog strongjaw, _biggest fucking badass_ in all of exandria, has anything to say about it.

when scanlan launches him up at the damn lizard’s face, he thinks he was wrong, before. the rage that surrounded him while he was with his herd was nothing compared to the stark clarity that’s afforded him now. there is no cloud of red. there is nothing in his way. just a big fucking sword, and a bigger baddie, and the need to protect vox machina.

the need to protect his _family_.

(when he cleaves that beast’s jaw in two, he feels that dissonance he could never name that had settled in his chest - click. he feels it right itself with every pounding clash of his blade on that dragon’s maw, and he feels righteous in a way he never has before. he thinks he might know what pike feels when she prays to her goddess, that sense of pure, unadulterated joy that courses through his veins - he’s not just grog, meathead of vox machina. he is grog strongjaw, protector and barbarian and slayer of evil -

and now, dragon-slayer.)

when scanlan uses bigby’s hand to lower him to the ground, it takes almost everything he has left not to collapse right then and there. but pike, blood-spattered and radiant and beautiful, his buddy, his bestest friend, his angel, his dragon-slayer (and he thinks it’s right that they both hold that title, now - one more kinship between the greatest pair of warriors that ever walked this realm), and he holds her tight and doesn’t let her go until she’s thwacking him on the head and telling him to let her down. even then, it takes a while for him to let her go.

shale grins at him, wisdom in her old goliath eyes, and passes him a gift before she returns to what is left of the old herd of storms.

grog looks at the body of umbrasyl, and looks at his family, and thinks, for the first time in a long time, that everything just might turn out okay.

**Author's Note:**

> listen, grog's entire arc has been... So Important to me. my son, my big baby boy, my burly barbarian with strength incomparable - and especially with the fight against umbrasyl last night? oh my god. oh my god. i was on edge the entire time - and considering the fact that i'm in EST, me being on edge at 2 in the goddamn morning was not fun. but when matt mercer looked at travis and said "how do you want to do this?", i am unashamed to admit that i legitimately shed a few tears when it happened.
> 
> also, taliesin's entire performance last night. holy shit. that man gets intensely _into it_ , and i am all about it.
> 
> title from Better by Samm Henshaw.
> 
> talk to me abt goliath barbarians @ ppepperbox.tumblr.com!


End file.
